Ditching my TBR for good

“When you kiss your TBR list goodbye, you make room for serendipity.” (BR)

I can vividly remember my high school bedroom. Celestial themed with dark blue walls, sheer curtains covered in gold stars, and coordinating decorations. I loved my bedroom the way any teenager does. It was my own private space where I could attempt to record radio songs on cassette through my boombox, battle with dial-up internet on my hand-me-down desktop computer, and display all my books. My favorite part of my room was a large wood bookshelf full of all the books from my life up to that point – children’s books, my two favorite series Dear America and Royal Diaries, school reading, and any others I had been lucky enough to receive as gifts or purchased at the bookstore. I read them all which lent me the unique ability and time to re-read my favorites – To Kill a Mockingbird, The House on Mango Street, The Phantom Tollbooth, and A Wrinkle in Time. 

I left those books at home when I went to college in Oklahoma and discovered an entirely new set of academic books alongside new fiction and non-fiction. My very limited free time combined with access to more books (and high speed internet) created an ever-growing ‘someday’ pile, not yet codified officially as a ‘to-be-read' (TBR) pile. Either I didn’t know the term or it hadn’t come into the common vernacular the way it has now. Instead of being inspired by social media influencer libraries I was inspired by my professor’s offices filled to the brim with books, true intellectuals that I hoped to join one day when I got my PhD in Archaeology. In her video Booktok and Overconsumption, youtuber Alina notes reading as representing intelligence and success, “reading becomes a virtue, thus having books at home is proof of that virtue.” I was going to be a person who had a library of books and prove something to someone (who that was or why I hadn’t truly considered). 

After graduation I hauled my books to Alabama for graduate school then home to Connecticut when I left my program, dreams of a PhD fading with each mile. Suddenly my childhood bedroom was no longer the place of refuge but a place of failure. As quickly as I arrived I fled back to Oklahoma leaving a trail of personal items and books behind me. It takes a lot to haul dozens of boxes of books back and forth across the country so sacrifices had to be made. 

I quickly replenished my book collection over the next two years of my new graduate program. I was lucky enough to bring my childhood wood bookshelf with me to Oklahoma this time. Once the shelves were filled stacks grew on either side that nearly reached the top. By now I had read less than half of the books I had in my collection. Some of my old favorites managed to stay with me and nestled next to all my new favorites and my (hopefully) future favorites that I hadn't read yet. Not one to stay still for long, I took a job in Connecticut and was forced to confront the ever growing number of books and other items I had accumulated. I opted for bringing only my true favorites or books I was most excited about reading soon and the rest stayed in storage in Oklahoma (I knew I’d be back eventually). 

By the time I returned to Oklahoma a year later, half of my belongings left in Connecticut (again), I no longer wished for a huge library. I wasn’t proving anything to anyone by having one. Youtuber Raya, in her video On Overconsumption, Book Hauls, and Being a Legitimate Reader, makes the point that, “having a home library means you have ample living space, disposable income, and time to read those books. It becomes a status symbol and a privilege to do so." In the video, When Did Reading Become a Performance?, Youtuber Gina Lucia questions “What standards are we putting in place for future readers? It’s more important how the book looks or the status it provides instead of what is inside.” 

I’d come to the realization that I’d rather get back to the person I was when I fell in love with reading and focus on curating a collection of books that reflect me and my taste in reading, not a person I hope to be or feel like I should be.

“We remind ourselves that there are no “shoulds” in the reading life, that there are myriad reasons for reading, and that we can read whatever we want, whenever we want, for whatever reason floats our bookish boats." (BR)

Moving as much as I had, I longed for simplicity and thus the decluttering began. Luckily it came just in time as I moved into four different rentals in the metro over the last ten years and slowly whittled down my TBR through reading, sharing, or donating. I began to rely on the library instead and re-discovered a joy in the searching out and even in the waiting. 

Then I began working at an independent bookshop in 2024.

Nothing throws an average (read: non-influencer) reader more fiercely into the world of books than working at a bookshop. Even more-so than arriving on a college campus decades ago, suddenly I was swimming in books – new releases every Tuesday, boxes and boxes showing up each day full of books both new and old, author release events, and author signings. This was after I started my MFA which also introduced me to an entire literary community whom I wanted to support – friends with debut novels and books of poetry and longstanding pillars of the Oklahoma literary landscape releasing their newest book. I was drowning in the tidal wave of it all. My TBR (now that I was using the term since it invaded the zeitgeist and I was sucked into the booktube and booktok communities) had ballooned to an unreasonable amount. Books just kept coming in but I wasn’t reading more than necessary for my graduate program and once I graduated this year I could barely stand to read anything at all. Suddenly, the growing piles of books on the floor (because my bookshelf was full) was a nightmare that I started avoiding.

My 2025 reading goal seemed reasonable and achievable at the beginning of the year: 37, my age in 2025. Yet here we are in early October and I have only reached 19. In order to reach my goal I will have to read roughly 1.5 - 2 books a week. The math isn’t looking good considering so far this year my pace has barely reached half a book each a week. It’s like a student failing every exam but still believing they’ll make an A on the final and pass the course. All I can think is, I'm a failure. Here I am with an MFA in Creative Writing, a part-time job at a bookshop, a physical TBR taking up floor space, a digital TBR lingering on my computer, and I have barely any finished books to show for it. Between struggling with wanting to read after finishing my MFA and the burnout from my full-time job reading has felt like just another to-do item. Even though I'm now in the mood to read I feel like I have to make up for that poor productivity in the few remaining months of the year. 

My TBR became a personal expectation. Just like a ‘to-do’ list I should be able to work through the piles and check all these items off. It was a should– I should read what’s popular now, I should read what is on the bestseller list, I should read what we offer in the bookshop. Otherwise I’m missing out on the conversations, the book clubs, and the chance for community. A customer came into the shop the other day and while checking out stated that she’s been reading 400 books a year. I was shocked. Long after she left I couldn't stop trying to figure out how. I guess if you’re listening to audiobooks throughout a day alongside reading digitally or physically that may be possible. But at that pace is she really getting anything from the book? Was she even enjoying it? And the worst thought, should I be doing that?

In a thread from 2023 Author Anna Fitzpatrick tweeted, “I saw a book influencer give tips on how to read more books a year. They were: listen to audiobooks on 1.5 speed, skim long passages of text, read novellas and graphic novels to hit your ‘reading goals’ faster. Which is fine, if your goal is to consume as much as possible…hitting arbitrary metrics you set for yourself can be satisfying. But isn’t literature about so much more than conspicuous consumption?”

It’s like trying to see how fast you can look at every piece of art in a museum, pointless. In order to justify these massive TBR piles we have to make reading look productive instead of just like a hobby or something we do for fun. There becomes an association with reading and hustle culture, which is supported by the endless book tracking apps, book journaling posts, and similar ways to show that you’re a real reader who is using their time wisely and productively. 

So it is no surprise that lately I’ve been overwhelmed and missing the joy of reading for the fun of it. The joy of discovering a new book and being able to read it immediately, not feeling guilty for buying a book when I already have so many unread at home. I recognize that there will always be unread books that we own for some reason or another, whether sentimental, or we aren’t in the mood and that’s ok! There’s nothing wrong with owning a few books that you’ve never read. Youtuber Alina compared unread books on your shelf to unopened wine in a wine cellar. Wine isn’t there to be consumed as quickly as possible in order to prove the necessity of the cellar. While wine cellars are a bit like libraries in that there is an inherent status in them, the wine is kept to be enjoyed at the right time and right occasion. The owner of the wine doesn’t obsessively look at them, shuffle them around, and feel like they should be ashamed for not having finished them. 

So how many books do I have? From the way I’m talking, I’m sure by now you’re convinced that I have hundreds if not almost a thousand books. Luckily that isn’t the case. My dreams of a library (which apparently is a minimum of 1,000 books) will never come to fruition and I'm ok with that. My TBR was spread across three locations - physical books, an excel spreadsheet, and Goodreads list. In total it was roughly 535 books (though there were probably some duplicates when the list was spread across 3 places). Luckily most of that bulk was digital: 433 across both the spreadsheet and Goodreads. The remaining 102 were physical books.

The physical TBR included:

• After traveling to Taos, NM and visiting the DH Lawrence ranch I became hyper-focused on the idea that I would read his entire collection of books and become some sort of amateur scholar. That was before I’d even read one of his books (silly). Why would I buy all of his books when I had never even read one!? So I let them go and kept the collector's edition of Lady Chatterly’s Lover. 
• Books I’ve purchased at author events or small publishing events just to say I supported them (I kept signed ones).
• When I visit a new place I always visit the local bookstore and buy a book from that location as a souvenir (many of these are the books I kept). 
• Feeling like I should read a certain book because it’s popular or it has been recommended to me. Right now that is Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid (1979). I can’t even tell you what it’s about and it probably is not actually a book I will want to read but I felt like I’d be missing out on building community with some local writers if I didn’t.
• I was bored at an airport or on a road trip and wanted the thrill of just buying a new book (shakes fist at capitalism). 

I've recently determined that I'm a mood reader. So many books that I marked TBR digitally or bought were a temporary and passing fancy. In reality I most likely will never read them. Some of the books in my TBR were purchased when I was a different person or at a different phase in my life and the topic or ideal no longer appeals to me.

“If that pile of unread books in your home gives you guilt rather than anticipatory pleasure, spread those suckers out on the floor and yank out the ones you’re no longer interested in.” (BR)

So I got rid of them (in as ethical a way as possible). Digital was easy. I’ve been looking to delete my Goodreads account anyway so without a second glance at the lists I deleted them all.

(For those concerned, I had already moved my ‘read’ pile and my reviews over to a new independent website and app called PageBound that is fun and a mix of Reddit and Goodreads but cuter.)

The excel spreadsheet met a similar fate, a quick click of delete and it was gone. The physical books that I’ve decided to get rid of will either go to a second hand bookshop or to a donation (library or thrift). Honestly, getting rid of them felt so cathartic! Ultimately, I kept 40 physical books for my ‘wine cellar’, many of those are signed from local Oklahoma authors or are published by friends of mine. 

Now when I am interested in reading a book I want to support libraries first and foremost. I’ve already written too long of a post to get into the consumerism of it all or the obsession with ownership but I don’t feel the need to own a book to prove I’ve read it and enjoyed it. Without a looming TBR I feel like I can actually truly be interested in a new local author book and read it immediately.

“Go into each new book-choosing moment with an idea of what you want, and then pick up the book that feels right in the moment. Selecting books should be pleasurable. It should be exciting. It should promise you the thrill of discovery. It should not be about ticking boxes and satisfying arbitrary, self-imposed requirements.” (BR)

In terms of a literary community, there are so many other ways to support authors and local bookstores. I can support authors by telling others about the book or author, write reviews, share the book, and borrow it from the library. Borrowing a book from the library has a far more beneficial impact than purchasing a book for my personal collection. Libraries offer so many community services that simply don’t exist elsewhere and offer the opportunity for literacy to many who wouldn't have access. 

While this doesn’t feel like anything revolutionary, I also don't find people talking about it. Unhauls are becoming popular but that’s not getting rid of the problem, it’s just replacing old books with new books. Those same accounts that ‘unhaul’ soon enough have a ‘haul’ video queued up. When I did a google and social media search I didn’t find much discussion of people just abandoning their TBRs. By far the best article (and the source for the great quotes) I read was from Book Riot from 2014! A decade later and we are still struggling with the same issues! Even if ‘ditching a TBR’ becomes trendy, I'm sure it’ll fall out of trend just as fast when influencers realize that it doesn't make for successful content. The capitalist machine drives us all unfortunately. We can only try our best not to get too injured while jumping off the speeding train. 

“How do we, given the finite nature of our lives and our free time, decide what to read, and when? What we do, I think, is throw away the lists.” (BR)